Saturday 21 May 2011


Rapture by Duncan Long

In case you didn't know, the world is ending today. Again.

I was reminded - as I do tend to forget these things - when a friend posted on FaceBook:

Still here? Don't worry - apparently the Rapture is not until 6pm folks. Make sure you have clean pants on, don't want to spend Eternity on a cloud with skanky kegs on now do you?

Since then I've taken a shower and made a nice cup of tea. Even if the world is ending, allow the English their tea. There's nothing that a good cuppa can't fix.

It's all down to an evangelical preacher, predictably in the US, called Harold Camping.

Mr Camping has predicted an apocalypse once before, in 1994...

Given his track record, do you really think he's the best prophet for the job?

You'd kind of assume that an apocalypse is the sort of thing that can only happen once, really.

However, it has spawned an awful lot of merriment online. Here's some of the most notable:

So, Your Parents Think the Rapture's Here  - a guide for disaffected American youth (original article gone, but see this):

"My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven," said their daughter Grace to the Times. "At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes." Their 14 year-old son Robert, was more blunt: "People look at my family and think I’m like that...I keep my friends as far away from them as possible."

Isn't that psychological abuse? Apparently not - it's parenting.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets - want someone to look after the mortal souls of your beloved pets whilst your immortal self flies heavenward to rapture? No problem.

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

They don't give refunds.

Whilst looking for suitable artwork to accompany this post, I discovered The Apocalyptic Artwork of Duncan Long, which proves an interesting article on his influences:

Long believes that the Rapture shall take place on Rosh Hashanah because on this holiday, a trumpet was blown at the end of the feast to signify the raising of the dead and the beginning of a new year.

An entertaining person, and apparently (according to Booky Wook II):

Anybody, providing he knows how to be amusing, has the right to talk about himself. - Charles Baudelaire

There's a Facebook event posted:

Lay down and pretend to be 'Raptured' at 6pm to freak the religionists!

Naturally, I will be attending.

I'm kind of in two minds about this. I think I'd be extremely hacked off if the world ended at 6pm. I've got so much going on at the moment that I want to see through, and I've just booked a spa day for the week after next. At the same time, I'm also filling out my HMRC self-assessment tax forms, and I would be quite happy for them, as an organisation, to be raptured into a parallel reality.

Six and two threes, really.

Besides, if we're all still alive tomorrow, we can always look forward to 2012. There's a really nice journal called Towards 2012 with lots of extremely funky articles in, compiled by our friend Gyrus of Dreamflesh fame (which also contains an article on Apocalyptic Dreaming by Michael Ortiz Hill). Now's the time to buy. Well, maybe give it 'til 6:15.

[NB: This was reposted from my old blog on 29th Dec. 2011 because #RaptureNYE (Rapture New Year's Eve) was trending on Twitter.]

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